Unarmed combat started this week, yesterday was the second day only, we practised breakfalls, fighting aggressions, aggressive recovery and counter-attacks, throwing and slammings. Buddy and i were quite garang during the throwing and slammings, crazy really.. But one throw by him was delivered wrongly, and i landed on my knee first. I couldn’t move properly after that, was limping to the medical centre. Went to see a doctor, sent to CGH A&E by ambulance who dropped me and left me with two clutches companying me thru out. X-ray confirmed nothing was wrong, doc says it was only a knee contusion however my knee cannot take anymore traumas. Then a really friendly nurse wrapped a robert-jones bandage around my knee while talking about how much she worries if her son lands up like me in the hospital next year. Then i biked home, it was very.. painful even on the bike.
I woke up today from her floods of text message with hopes of seeing her at my door step in the afternoon. She came! 
Okay whatever, back to my emo stuffs:
don’t know why u were so depressed. was it guilty over what i found out? i don’t know. i didnt know why u asked if i ever cried?
Is it wrong if your partner persistantly message the other party, even when he/she is not replying on several occasions at different time. its like, (notice the timings) take A as the guy,
10/8 1200 – hey A!
10/8 1700 – hey A you there!
11/8 0100 – hey A..
then he replies,
on another occasion he talks to her,
11/10 1500 – hey wanyu!
she replies:
11/10 1500 – hey A,
11/10 1500 – paiseh,
11/10 1501 – i was out with my bf during lunch when u asked me out for lunch yesterday.
it doesnt happen just once. if the above was considered one sunday, everyday is a beautiful sunday in this message log.
you have a partner looking for guy/girl A enthusiastically… patiently… every..time.. (: ask yourself see if you really like it? what does this infer?
let’s be rational about being “paiseh”, was there a need to be embarassed over going out with your boyfriend than to go out with a friend (make it goodfriend). well something definitely was amiss. I don’t know the whole story between him and her. she just says they’re just good friends (and she has pleeeeeeeennnnnntyyyy of gd frens). i know she enjoys those company of those friends she just made many months ago, and the guy, A, has once hit on her. She got better with those bunch soon after we hit off in this r/s. well it’s likely the interest still remains the same looking at the message conversation log she showed me which she deniably rejects. i knew something was amissed, we had slight arguments about A many times before. i just dont feel right, i don’t want to interfere with her making friends at all; i never stopped her in her decisions she makes her own & i place my boundaries very clear. they lunch, go out, blahblah, eat drink (yes i mean beers and alcohol) merry together. talk to him till late nights after my calls, lol. makes me crazy when i think about it. am i thinking too much or is this normal?
does it explain why you sleep so late? the lack of sleep in your eyes? the relentless scoldings from your mom/dad for sleeping late? i’m afraid your dad might think it is me on the line/or online but it actually is guy A or B or C! or D! whatever okay.. i’m flustered.
i sorta have the ability to feel/sense strongly if that person has/lack the attention on me or is saying the truth, like telekinetic powers. ill know if something is wrong, i just know it. don’t ask me how. it’s probably a gift from God. i know if this problem goes on, i know i won’t go far with her.
dont challenge me on how i dealt with r/s problems, ive been called a friend before her friends. but she decided to change my status after i asked her if she was serious about me or the other guy whom i only come to know recently. i know she wasnt treating this r/s seriously, that time.
I guess it takes time to know a person. it bothers me this is how little i know about someone who is always out with me on weekends for the past months. there are plenty of stuffs in her she doesnt wanna talk about, what i know about her is shes not the sort who’ll go around washing dirty laundry. maybe to others she is different, this is every single guy’s fear.
i believe everyone has their own secrets to keep, i’m not forcing her, but don’t fucking ever.. ever be selfish and do things that harm others. if your partner has the rights to know, give him some respect and let him know. dont think by actually hiding you’re doing the right thing, who taught you that? if you know he does not like it and its freaking logical he doesnt, try standing in a third person perspective or ask your damn friends. a guideline for anybody: if u contemplate about it, dont do it at all. unless he/she’s like stopping u from pursuing your dreams and your future. and if i suck in my role, tell me.
it also appears to me that i love facts, i like stuffs being proven. i’m waiting for a day when i hear from her mouth telling her friends, “hey i’m in a loving relationship with a man who adores me”. i cant imagine her saying it, let me hear it please? does it seems ‘paiseh’ to have this bf here. hahaha. i’m perplexed.
i have few people i can count on in this world. i can’t trust other people well, and i want to trust her.
thinking back… i lived my late 10s / early 20s carrying more regrets in making decisions than happy memories.. this time i’ve already put in quite some effort in this second relationship.. my only regret? i don’t have mind reading ability.
i’m doing what i can to mend r/s. if i’m the needle i hope you’ll be my thread, yu.
