byon’s blog – my daily rant!

godcentric..godcentric..godcentric..godcentric..godcentric..godcentric

church great! heehee. i spoke less than 3 sentence in church. lol!
Have rode all most parts of singapore already. Heehee!

Thank God for his protection over me and my pillions all my days of riding.

dad also encourage me to pray everytime i ride. shit its raining already. i just clean and polish my bike leh :~~

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Last week went Lor17 for dimsum during lesson breakouts.. heehee.. spent $13/pax 7pax. dimsums there deliciouss ahhh!!

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serviced my bike two days ago, cost $329 T_T change exhaust, fullservice, airfilter, bulbs, blahblahs.

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Below is a nice short story taken from ‘world’s biggest misunderstanding’ – http://www.singaporebikes.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=126435. reading from the threads has taught me not to take revenge, but rather forgive. those in relationship must be more UNDERSTANDING ah! and singles, dont go snatch/flirt with people’s gf. heehee

For everyone’s benefit I shall call her SW, short for Superwoman, whom she really is.

She was the best girlfriend in the world. I’m not exaggerating. Whereas I am just an average bf, she took care of everything for me whenever I need it. Be it food, clothes, anything. She stands up for me when I get bullied. She coos me when I am frustrated. In the 2 years we have been together, she changed from the most-popular-girl in her social circle to the most-faithful-gf. She gave up almost all her friends to be with me every weekend. We were unseparable, we were almost living together.

I took things for granted.

It all started that day. It was one of another quarrel. I was at her place. We’ve had so many quarrels I really forgot what started it that day. It was another of those meaningless spits. But it soon led to a strong head-on. I’ve always shunned confrontations. Not for the first time, she berated her points on and on. I tried to stake my claim too, but again like always, it was leading nowhere. I stood up to leave. She wouldn’t let me go, “Why do you always just leave like that!”.

“BAM”. She slapped me. For the very first time.

“What do you want now? If you just want to keep berating, I will listen. If you want to beat me again, I’m here. This quarrel is leading to nowhere.” I wanted to leave to calm down. I know that no matter how we talked that day it’d still end ugly.

“You can go now” She said after we stared at each other for 5 mins in silence.

I turned to leave.

She ran to the balcony. She climbed it. I put down my things and ran over to pull her back. “Can you don’t be crazy!” In the red mist, I was furious of her irrationality. After she was off the balcony I was even more determined to leave becos I know she wanted to aggrevate me. I picked up my things and that was when it came again.

“BAM”, another tight slap.

Though infuriated, I took it with a straight face. I knew she did it in the spite of the moment. I just wanted to leave. I picked up my things again.

She ran to the wall and started knocking her head on the wall. I ran over to pull her back. “Can you pls just get a grip on yourself!”

I left.

We did not talk to each other again for that week. Despite braving millions of quarrels before, we both knew this time it was different. I was at a loss, i went drinking, although i was never a good drinker. That was when I came home and came online that I saw this girl from my sec sch, Apple, whom I had a crush on jurassic years ago. She always has those sad song lyrics in her nicks.

That was when, in my beer induced state, I chatted up a girl for the first time in 2 yrs. I didn’t know I had started the biggest misunderstanding of my life.

The following day, Saturday, we chatted on MSN. Books, music, hobbies. I found her to be a good sport. I was surprised she likes to go to KTV. I am not a street smart person, I only have these limited hobbies and I stay home most of the other times. We chatted that day on and off. Night came, loneliness came. I missed SW, but I did not know how to tackle the situation, at least not then. My friend, JR, offered for me to go to a birthday party. I didn’t know anyone from there, but what the heck, I was too bored.

If you’ve been to a birthday party where there’s nobody you know, you will know how I felt. I just stood there. I had a few vodkas that were passed around “Hey just drink la” were what those faceless people told me. Soon I was in that blurry little state again. JR suggested, why not we head to KTV? I told him about Apple. He said, “call her along la”. So I msged her. She declined, she had to wake up early on Sunday. That was that.

I knew it was scandalous. It turned out to be a mistake that would haunt me till today.

The following day, playing soccer, I received a giant knee from a 1.9m guy in the face. My face was practically rammed in. The blood was flowing freely. I was rushed to the hospital. In the car, I started to hyperventilate. I seriously thought I might die. My body was going numb.

Using my remaining strength, I messaged SW, “Baby, TTSH. Soccer. I love you.”

I had no more strength, I wanted to say I’m sorry for the quarrel, but I chose to say “I love you” instead becos I knew if I died there, I would have at least told her that I loved her.

Surprise, turned out I’m still alive. Broke my cheekbone. SW came and held my hand. We made up for the quarrel that very moment. That night in hospital after everything, I sent a mass message telling everyone I was in hospital. In the list I also messaged Apple.

The following day when SW came to visit me, Apple replied to my previous night’s message. SW saw it and asked “Who’s she?” to which I replied “Someone I chatted with on MSN.” I tried to keep a straight face because I didn’t want her to know that I’d tried to ask Apple out the night before. But to the day I die I swear I never lied to her.

She told me many days later that I had said she was “someone from my army camp”.

She suspected from the way I replied about Apple that there was something wrong. She knew that in my camp there’s no such person. Instead of clarifying with me in the hospital, she asked around from my friends and soon found out that Apple was someone I had a crush on. Definitely not from my camp. She added 1 and 1 together.

After I was discharged, she was constantly trying to chat me up on Apple. Ever since that night I sent out messages to everyone, I very much never talked to her anymore. Still, I was guilty for asking her out so I tried to avoid the subject. SW added my behaviour to whatever she suspected. She became very edgy and very sensitive. Each time I turned my back she was practically suspecting I’d gone out to look for girls. Each time my phone rang she thought it was Apple.

I was determined not to let Apple be part of my life anymore. She MSNed me one day and I just closed the window. She left a testimonial for me in Friendster I deleted it. Still, SW didn’t know about all these. She talked about Apple wherever we went, “You go and watch movie with your Apple la.” “Since its so nice you ask Apple buy for you lor.”

It was frustrating. It was practically as if I had an affair. I told her “Can we just stop talking about her?” We quarrelled again. It turned out to be big again.

She looked me in the eye and asked me, “Do you like Apple?”

I did not want to lie. I said “If i hadn’t liked her I wouldn’t have asked her out. But nothing more than that!”

She took it the wrong way. What I was really trying to say was, if you smiled to someone, it meant you liked the person right? You don’t ask the streetside ice cream seller to movie do you?

But she was devastated.

From that day onwards, everything started going downhill. She matched every disagreement with Apple. Every word I said she related with Apple. It was very frustrating. I know I could have tried to sort things out, but she was accusing me of betraying her all the time. She kept using my answer that day to attack me. I told her time and time again I don’t like Apple and I haven’t talked to her since I was discharged but she kept insisting, “But you admitted you like her”.

I refused to talk to her becos she would only insist on her views. She got herself drunk often. We stopped talking to each other. I told her to be herself, to treat herself better. Being too dependant on my presence can only bring her more pain. She took it the wrong way as well. She took it as “I’m going to Apple, you go find ur friends”. We broke up.

1 month passed.

I missed her. That morning I bought breakfast for her as a surprise. She lost a tremendous amount of weight. I thought that we could start all over again now that she has forgotten about Apple.

As I have to be in camp on weekdays, I could only look for her on weekends. That week after the breakfast, she went to Bangkok for a shopping trip. I bought a few small gifts and left it at her place as a surprise when she returned.

The week after she came back, we went out. It was then that she told me “DX, I’ve changed.” She had been hanging out with a lot of people after we broke up and a lot of guys are after her. Not surprising becos she’s very pretty. She said she would never be the SW she used to be. She is enjoying her life now being single. I can see from her eyes that she still loves me. I still love her so very much..

I tried after that to buy her breakfast, send her to work. Just to do the things that we’ve always been doing. But she told me, “DX, I’ve changed”.

Now there are so many guys in the picture.. She’s out every night until 3-4am. It’s a terrible feeling lying in bed to know that she’s out there with all those people.

Yesterday night I got myself drunk again and I went to her block. I sat below her block from 1.30am for 4 hours before she finally came home. I just wanted to see her..

In the past whenever she sees me like that she’d take me into her arms and coax me and forget all quarrels. Yesterday She scolded me for being irresponsible and always wanted people to worry for me by getting drunk and riding. She told me she no longer wants to worry about me. She has her own life now.. She has all the attention she needs from other guys that I’ve never given her..

It was then that I know, whatever I do, good or bad, she no longer gives a damn anymore.. The more I try to get close to her she’d just avoid me more..

Dear podders, thank you for reading.. I hope someone can learn a lesson from my story..

It is a miserable feeling.. I’ve always loved her and I still do.. I made a mistake, I know. It was a mistake that cost me the love of my life.. Pls someone tell me how to forget her..

BUT dun be like me ah . Till today so scared to go relationship. when a girl say “I LIKE YOU’ or ‘I LOVE YOU’ I started to have the phobia and stray away from them. still trying hard to overcome the FEAR.

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said…no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever….and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm
and said….
You’re not pretty you’re beautiful.
I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldnt cry if you walked away…I’d die…

goodnight, everybody! 13143344!